'Eaaaagggggllllleeeee'

Foreword – the following prose was written whilst I was still in Nepal. We have now arrived safe and sound back in England. I am chillin’, like a boss. 

In the past two weeks Denny has become an anti-establishment renegade rock ‘n’ roll star. I think it may have had something to do with the shades.

During our time at the school, me and Denny have found our true calling in life. The culmination of a spiritual journey, a voyage of the mind and soul, the end of the long and winding road. We were apprehensive at first, but that soon changed. There was one look. Just one look. As if to say, ‘this is in our blood. This – this is it’. One look, and we knew. We were born for this, baby. At the moment, that precise moment in time and space, the path of history changed forever. We played table tennis. We set the universe alight with our ridiculously sick table tennis skills. The ball, like a storm in the high seas, travelled at semi-impossible trajectories and speeds. Our true potential had awoken – we were awesome. Totally awesome.

During our last week, the school had a short vacation which meant we had time free to spend with some of the people who have made our stay in Nepal so memorable. A lot of chillaxing, amongst the mountain scenery and sweet, green grass. Sweet is a metaphor. I don’t eat grass, regardless of what the Daily Mail may have said. 

One of our many excursions this week included a day trip to the Safari Park in Fuchsia City. There, we saw the usual suspects; Rhydons, Parados, Mankeys, Nidorans, Kevin Spacey etc. Thankfully one of our companions had a Lapras so we did abit of Surfing whilst we were there. Good times. On another note, I have completed my team with a Psyduck. Lad. Denny has Blastoise. I know -I’d choose Psyduck over Blastoise any day as well.

On the way home from Fuchsia City, we decided the Bicycle Route was too arduous, so we got the bus instead. It turned out to be an inspired choice. Having had a bit of a craic with the bus driver, he decided it was time to release the beast inside and started playing a western popular music CD on the bangin’ sound system. Before we knew it, Eminem was rappin’ about his arson plans, Rhianna fell in love with Pinocchio, J-Lo confirmed she was indeed a real person, Blue neglected the importance of safe drinking water, a balanced diet and economic stability, instead claiming that one love would suffice, and finally Robbie Williams stripped to his bare bones and sang about geological formations playing music. More good times.

As it was our last week here, many goodbyes were said. Some tears were shed. Several people hosted leaving parties for me and Denny, such was the impression we made in our short time here, but rather annoyingly Cindy decided to steal our thunder by hogging the limelight, making speeches, receiving gifts and crying.

Our experience at the school and the children’s home I will re-tell hopefully sooner rather than later, but stay tuned. All I will say is that goodbye, not sorry, is the hardest word.

Also, Denny was hit by a motorcycle. No sh*****g. A dead leg, some grazes and cuts, a slightly dented mac and a glorious pirouette later, Denny was A-O.K. Although the idiot didn’t even bother to stop, we got the last laugh – he had lost his food shopping.   

I love you Brosef Goebbels

First and foremost, since the last post Denny has caught a Butterfree and I have caught a Venomoth. It’s pretty kick-ass now, level 67 – photos will come later.

Since being here, me and Denny have become footballing superstars. The first match we played was a competitive Teachers XI vs Pupils XI at Sanjiwani English School. Let me set the scene.

It was a fine summer’s day. The sun was glaring. The rain had ceased. Throughout the week, the match was billed as the Clash of the Titans. People were talking, anticipation was rising. Walking through the streets, the locals would ask ‘so you gonna’ be champs?’ We responded with a gentle smile. Calm and composed, we carried ourselves with a quiet confidence. But deep down we were nervous. Deep down we knew we were carrying the hopes of a hundred people on our weary shoulders. Deep down, we know the magnitude of the task. The crowd slowly began to build throughout the afternoon. The buzz around the stadium soon became electric. From one corner, one could hear ‘Denny! Will you have my children!?’ Kick-off approached. Me and Denny were ready. This was the moment we were waiting for. This was the moment we had dreamt of all our lives. This was it. Que the strings Wolfgang, this was our destiny. 

Kick off. Me and Denny were stationed in defence. The ball moved at a frightening pace. The teachers were bombarded early on, and didn’t quite settle into any rhythm in midfield, but the defence held out – strong, steady, tackling, intercepting, and building play from the back. One observer was heard to have said ‘wow, who are those handsome foreign chaps in defence for the teachers? Not only are they ridiculously good lookin’, they are also perfectly good footballers!’ After 20 minutes, the Teachers XI settled. We pushed high up the field, in the knowledge that we had the pace to cover. The defence won the ball high up and BAM all of a sudden we were countering and BAM -GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL! 1-0. Then soon after, after another swift counter attack that started from the back, penalty. BAM GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! 2-0. Then before you know it……

…..And that’s why you should never kick a rooster. The final score was Teachers XI 3-2 Pupils XI. A glorious day for the Teachers. The following match was a school match. Me and Denny again played in defence, this time reppin’ Sanjiwani First XI vs  Mount View H.S. Let me set the scene. It was a fine summer’s day….

…..And that’s why you should always carry apple juice. And so the final score was a whooping Sanjiwani 8-2 Mount View. We rock. Besides from the time I slipped in the massive mud puddle, slid about 5 metres, stood up, waved at the jeering crowd, walked two steps, fell again, slid 2 metres, stood up, waved at the now hysterical crowd completely pitted in mud, but all the while holding my head high and dignified. We were then scouted for the Nepal national team and but rejected them because we are also now surgeons, so we’re pretty busy.

Yesterday, we witnessed 3 surgeries. And not from afar either. We were inside the O.T. We saw surgery on the spine, a hernia, and last but definitely not least we saw the removal of a tumour in the intestines which had obstructed the bowels. It was not pretty, and smelt even worse. Having taken the tumour out, the surgeon asked us to take a close look at the removed area, then proceeded to dissect the area. In doing a peach seed popped out. If there is one lesson we can learn from this – don’t eat peach seeds.

Today we spent a bit longer in the O.T., and saw; laparoscopic surgery, endoscopic surgery, an open wound surgery in the neck to remove a tumour, and a removal of the uterus. Seeing blood and open wounds I can survive with, but unfortunately a uterus hanging out a lady part I couldn’t quite cope with. Having said that, me and Denny are now fully qualified surgeons. Our words of wisdom is this; laparoscopic and endoscopic surgery is the future of urology.

Other things we have seen/done lately; walked a lot, walked a thousand steps, walked some more, had dinner with the Big Dawg’s, walked to the top of hills and mountains to see the scenery, hosted the Momo World Championships (Momo is a very popular Nepali dumpling), and seen 80-100 soldiers marching to a base camp, equipped with shotguns, AK’s, assault rifles, an anti-tank rifle, and a rocket launcher - just what every civilian expects to see on a routine walk to school. Me and Denny managed to make them part for us though by informing them of our medical importance, ‘Please – we’re doctors’.

On a more serious note, we were very fortunate to visit the homes of some students in the past few days. The first home belonged to three siblings who live at the children’s home (and have one more sibling living elsewhere). They lived in one of the poorer areas of central Dhulikhel. The door was 4 foot high, and led into a ‘corridor’. We had to crouch, and this ‘corridor’ could only fit single profile walking. We walked literally two steps onto a set of stairs, then proceeded up the stairs. The downstairs, if you could call it that, consisted of the same dirt floor the led in from the street, and only that set of stairs. Upstairs, once host to a family of six, consisted of one large bed. That was all. I don’t think I need to say much more. The second home belongs to a student of the school. His parents were originally from India, but migrated to Nepal for business. When business took a turn for the worse, they migrated back to India but left the young boy to study in Nepal. We are told education in Nepal is cheaper. The young boy was 6 years old when his family moved back to India. His father visits every month to check on his progress. But from the age of 6 this young boy has been living, washing, cooking, and eating all by himself for the best part of three weeks a month. He lives in one room, with two beds, a wardrobe, and a cooker. And clearly we are not talking about en-suite; we are still talking about mud floors and makeshift roofs. Opposite his room is a warehouse that his father has left him. He collects scrap and waste to sell on. This is how he has been making money since he was small. Although his family fund him, they too struggle for money, so sometimes money does not quite make it to him. He doesn’t socialise much outside of school. His life consists of studying, working at the warehouse, sleeping and eating. He hopes to one day return to India to study science engineering. He is very diligent, and very bright. I just hope that like so many others, circumstances outside his control will not prevent him from reaching his dream. Unfortunately this is not even the most difficult story we have heard here.

On another note, Denny has recently embarked on an arduous and harrowing quest for hair spray. Through thick and thin, through wind and rain, he will not give up. If there is one thing we have learnt from this quest is that, no matter from what walk of life you come from, and no matter where life takes you, there is more to life than being ridiculously good looking.

I will write about the school and the children’s home a bit further on in the week, but for now, don’t talk to strange men, they may offer you sweets. Like yesterday, me and Denny were searching for a Pinsir on route 79 when…..

……And that’s why you will NEVER catch the dragon.

Till next time! 

P.S. I have now tasted pure honey, fresh from the hive. Normal honey will no longer do. You’ve been warned.

‘Hey guys – you ready to let the dogs out?’

My summer hat was accidently ripped by a tiger when we went tiger tracking. But now I have a topi. Topi’s are cool.

Things I was prepared for; questionable hygiene, questionable infrastructure and being a foreigner.

Things I was not prepared for; ridiculously mental driving, ridiculously mental honking, regular power cuts, cold water (due to solar-powered hot water and it being monsoon season), and smelling like damp.

Things I have enjoyed adapting to; eating with your hands, speaking fluent Nepali, and being culturally aware.

Things I was not planning on getting used to but have done; being surrounded by wild dogs, being eaten by mosquitoes and squatter toilets (although I still refuse to douche).

So I came here with all intent on keeping a regular blog like the hip young thing I am but unfortunately due to having little to no time and very rare access to the internet I have failed to do so. Still, better late than never.

A regular weekday goes something like this (and oh, they have 6 days week, with Saturday being the only day of rest); 7 A.M. waking up in the morning gotta get fresh gotta go downstairs. LOL! Just joking. Fresh is not a priority here. At first it was 6.30 A.M. start, 8.00 A.M. breakfast, 9.00 A.M. reach the children’s home, 9.30 A.M. set off for Sanjiwani English School, 10.15 A.M. morning assembly, 10.30 A.M. start teaching, 3.30 A.M. finish school (with a 5 minute toilet break and a 40 minute lunch break in between), head straight back to the children’s home after school, set off for home at 7.00 P.M., sometimes stay for dinner and leave at 8.00 P.M., get home, eat, shower and before you know its 10.00 P.M. and we’re ready to sleep. Pretty long days. Although me and the Duke have managed to cut down about 2 hours at the start of the day and now get up at 8.30 A.M., ‘cos we’re resourceful like that. Although we have managed to find enough time to catch Pokemon out here. Denny’s team consists of Ninetails, Houndoom, Sudowood and Ekans, whilst my team consists of Scyther, Pidgeot, Houndour, and a Heracross. Pretty awesome! On another note, we have seen fireflies, a legendary bird with a wonderfully elegant tail, a massive giant ‘F’-off dragonfly about 5-6 inches long (upon which I used 6 Great Balls trying to catch), and a flippin’ snake. Yeah that’s right, a flippin’ snake. I almost stepped on it, but Denny used his Houndoom to protect me then proceeded to catch it. So it was all good. 

We have had time to do touristy things, including some cool visits to UNESCO world heritage sites (one was an exclusive V.I.P. visit to a ‘not-open-for-public’ site). Before we started teaching, we had almost a week free. We have our Saturdays, and sometimes we leave the children’s home earlier so that we have had sporadic evenings free. So we have been sight-seeing in and around Kathmandu and Dhulikhel. Kathmandu is full of hustle and bustle. But I most definitely prefer Dhulikhel, where we’re based. It’s a peaceful, picturesque, green green green little town 23 miles outside of Kathmandu. It is beautiful. 

I won’t indulge you with our tourist visits. I’m sure you can find that on lonelyplanet.com or something. But I am going to write about some of the super-cool/inspiring non-touristy things that we have done here, mainly thanks to Cindy being a Big-Dawg at Dhulikhel Hospital. Within the hospital, we have seen various operations, including laser surgery, and have had sonograms done. Just to clarify, I have bigger kidneys than Denny. Although that could be because I’m pregnant….And just generally being V.I.P. 

Far more importantly though Dhulikhel Hospital is a community hospital. Along with that comes different ‘Outreach’ centres; health centres established in the remotest areas to provide much needed health care, medical advice, health education and even financial aid. Very good. The hospital holds regular health screenings at these centres. We we’re very fortunate to be able to join one such visit to a centre in Dapcha. First and foremost, the drive there and back was pretty damn cool. We were essentially ‘road-rafting’. The sort of narrow, rocky, dirt tracks that transcend up the mountains with a sheer cliff drop on one side and pot-holes galore you see on Top Gear – yeah, it was one of those. The rather rustic looking Toyota Landcruiser we travelled in we have named Blue, ‘cos it’s our boy, (it looks like it has been though more crap than Charlie Sheen’s nose) and our driver deserves only two words. Absolute. Tekkers. It was the sort of location that had it not been for the health centre one can imagine that nothing would ever go in or out. Remote, rural Nepal, rarely touched by the modern world. 

There, we saw proper hardcore elderly ladies, carrying over 20kg of crops on their heads (they use wicker baskets which rest on your back but with a strap to wrap around your head which takes all the weight) walking for miles and miles, and hardcore kids that preferred to carry 50kg bags of cement on his back 150 times a day up a rather steep mountain with only one meal a night, rather than going to school with only enough money and time for one meal a day. How much does dinner cost here? Less than a quid. 

Cindy conducted home interviews with two teenage boys living with disabilities during that visit. It’s not my place to tell their stories, but it is definitely an experience that struck very, very deep. It was uncomfortable. I felt guilty. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I live such a privileged life, I really pitied them. Or maybe I was guilty precisely because I pitied them – at the risk of sounding all pretentious and Gap Yah, who am I to pity them when them and their families were such brave people? They were the ones who had to live that life. I may have thought ‘oh no, that is so sad’. But once I left, I left. I was no more than a 15-minute novelty passing through the village (I think my hat gave me away as an outsider). Guilt – but immense admiration also. When asked what he wants to do when he is older, he said that he just wanted to look after his parents. The other young man, who was unable to speak or walk, relied on his father for the interview. What made this interview particularly uncomfortable was watching the young man crawl (wheelchairs, too, belong to a different universe). When asked if there is anything the hospital could provide to make his living more comfortable, the father simply wanted a bedpan so that his son did not need to struggle down the stairs and move outdoors to visit the toilet. Simple things changes entire worlds. 

Nepal is a wonderful place. We have met some really brilliant people. It's been almost a month and I will defs come back. But next time we will be returning the One Ring, so we're going to need a Fellowship. Any takers?

That’s all for now, I will save my experience at the school and home for another entry.

I will leave you with this delightful joke from Dennis.

‘Mohan brothers? I thought it was the Jonas Brothers?!’

P.S. Me and Denny swore an oath underneath the peach tree. No blood was spilt.

P.P.S. People have noticed I have a big head. I guess I will forever live in its shadow.

'Morning Officer - you've been rumbled'

First things first; the box, and the title, has nothing to do with anything. I just like blue boxes.

Secondly, I now have a summer hat, a vintage suitcase, and a leather satchel! Summer hats are cool.

Lastly, i've set up this blog to keep my family, friend(s?) and any other interested parties updated about my very own Odyssey to Kathmandu, Nepal. You know, minus the seductive demi-goddesses and eight-legged, man-eating monsters. I'm still holding out for a cyclops though.

For those of you who don't know, me and Dennis the Menace (not the real one though, my cousin Denny) are going out to Nepal, where Denny's sister/my cousin Cindy is based, to do abit of volunteering. We're going to be working at a children's home and a secondary school there. Hopefully we'll be of use and help out in any little way we can. Of course, there will be fun and games along the way. I'm expecting alot of 'I Spy' and 'Who Am I?' - endless family fun. Last time the three of us were together we did our own rendition of Bon Iver's 'Skinny Love'. One on-looker commented that 'it was majestic, mesmerising, and everything anyone could ever want in music. Absolutely beautiful.' Anyone who has heard me sing will know just how proud of my voice I am. If you were lucky enough to hear me and my housemates sing 'YMCA' and 'Your Song' at ULU's Thursday night karaoke two weeks ago, then you will understand. I eagerly anticipate more of the same.

But don't worry, the gloating's over. Please do have the occasional look, hopefully I will be making weekly updates about what i'm/we're doing out there with the occasional off-the-cuff pointless prose. Anywho.....

To Nepal and beyond!

P.S. don't forget guys, it's Meaty Monday. Bon appetite!

P.P.S. I can't sing.